Dear Baby

Dear Baby:

Yesterday morning I peed on the second stick in the e.p.t. box and, like the first, it told me that I'm pregnant with you. I just made a doctor's appointment to make sure, but I know you're there ... a little clump of cells, dividing at a rate so rapid, growing inside me ... while I sit here and drink (caffeine free) tea and wonder what you'll look like.

Your dad is so excited about you, as am I. But we are both terrified of you, baby (little old you, no bigger than a grain of rice). You see, you are growing in the belly of a worrier married to another worrier, and for that, I apologize in advance. Please know that if we ever worry, it's not because we don't trust you, but because we think we're not doing the best we can for you. For example, last night I had a bowl of cheese popcorn for dinner. Granted, I followed it up with an apple and a prenatal vitamin, but still. Sometimes I feel like I'm failing you already. I have to get over that.

Speaking of not failing, as soon as I took that first test, I quit smoking. To tell you the truth, I don't miss it. And any time I think I do, I think of you growing there and I don't want a cigarette anymore. It's ridiculous that it took a person growing in me to make me quit, but at least I've done it. Don't ever smoke. It's really bad for you and it makes you feel bad about yourself most of the time.

There are so many things I want to tell you, baby. I have so many feelings, concerns and questions that most of the time, I feel like I'm going to explode. Last night, your dad came home from work to find me sobbing uncontrollably. Poor guy. I'll tell you this at least a hundred times before you're born and a million times after: Your dad is a wonderful person. You're pretty lucky to be getting a dad like him.

Right now, though, I just want you to know that I not only feel like I'm growing you, but I feel like you're growing me up. My life has changed dramatically (for the better) in these last four days and for that, my tiny one, I thank you.

Until my next letter, all my love,
Your mom